Why I am not a Buddhist

Merry Christmas to all, Christians and heathens alike. I count myself among the latter, a fact which holds true from the point of view of any organized religion, not just Christianity, since I'm an agnostic. Some of my vast and enthusiastic audience may be asking themselves, "This guy is on a pilgrimage to the sites of the Buddha's life, and then is on his way to hang out with Buddhists in Burma. How can he be an agnostic?"

Actually, my pilgrimage has if anything solidified my agnosticism. I've now finished the trip to several of the important sites: Lumbini, Nepal, where the future Buddha was born; in India, Kushinagar, where he died; Shravasti, where he spent 24 rainy seasons; Sarnath, where he gave the first sermon, starting the spread of the teaching; and Bodh Gaya, where he was enlightened. All of these places have been truly inspiring for my meditation practice and attendant personal growth.

I've always been fairly skeptical about, well, everything. This means that, with only circumstantial evidence, I've been a little tentative about my acceptance of the idea that dhamma vibrations (anti-craving, anti-aversion, anti-ignorance) truly exist and have an effect. But on this trip I've definitely experienced distinct differences in meditation and the general atmosphere at the Buddha places as opposed to the other parts of India I've been in, and a difference too between meditation at home or in Massachusetts where I've usually gone. My awareness has often been better, and meditation has sometimes been more difficult but ultimately more fruitful. So I'm more confident in saying that dhamma vibrations are real and can have a strong effect. The tradition says that this kind of incremental acceptance is perfectly fine, because as much as you experience directly, that much you should accept. No dogma.

At the same time, my visits to these places have opened my eyes to the way Buddhism is often practiced. At Kushinagar, I went into the shrine room with the reclining statue of the Buddha to meditate, and in that half hour, numerous pilgrims from different countries also came and went. Candles and incense were lit and flowers reverently strewn. There was much fervent prayer, chanting, circumambulation, and vigorous prostration, but no meditation. Later, at Shravasti, I went with a fellow meditator to sit for one hour at the Gandhakuti, which reputedly occupies the spot of land where Buddha's hut stood. It is currently the main focus at Shravasti for worship, a fact which we discovered through direct experience when a large Sri Lankan tour group launched into their puja (devotional ritual), filling the Gandhakuti enclosure with what must have been countless thousands of rose and marigold petals in small bowls, while loudly chanting praises to the Buddha. Meanwhile, a Japanese (I think) tour group chanted a long and loud text in a completely different style some distance away. When the Sri Lankans began using a megaphone at top volume a few feet from our heads, it became too much for me to concentrate through, and we stopped our meditation (I suppose I succumbed to my aversion at that moment).

Later, after a short course at the meditation center, some of us went to the park for morning meditation, choosing a quiet spot seemingly away from the major ritual activities. Midway through the hour, a large tour group (Singaporans, I think) loudly shuffled into our space, some of them standing just inches from us, and the monk leading them broke out his megaphone to lead another very loud chant, as though we were only obstructing their activities rather than actually trying to practice what Buddha taught.

All of these experiences, as it turned out, were only a taste of the amplified cacophony of Bodh Gaya, where Buddha attained enlightenment. Bodh Gaya is much more of a working Buddhist center than the other places--it is the major focus of ritual activities for all Buddhist sects, and at the time we were there last week, there were more Tibetans than any other single group. The Tibetans always come down from the Himalaya to Bodh Gaya and other Buddha places during the winter months, but last week was especially thick with Tibetans since there was a massive prayer festival of the Janang Monlam Chenmo, one of the lineages of Tibetan Buddhism. I had decided before I knew about the festival that I wanted to meditate for a 4 day self course in Bodh Gaya, and being somewhat stubborn when I have a plan in mind, I didn't abandon the idea. Hundreds of monks surrounded an elaborate altar just near the Bodhi tree, just a few feet from where I wanted to sit, and 3 or 4 of them led the others with highly amplified chanting through a very healthy PA system. It was like meditating backstage at a four-day rock concert.
Meanwhile, monks and lay people from various countries sat in the meditation space under the tree doing their own chants, sometimes in large loud groups led by monks with megaphones, sometimes individually. Others incessantly circumambulated the temple, always in the prescribed clockwise direction. Some of the Tibetans circumambulated the temple with prostrations, which go from vertical to face down horizontal and are quite physically difficult, especially for some of the devout older people not in the best health. Many of the Tibetans have special prostration boards, long boards that they can pad with cushions and which allow their hands, which sometimes wear small cloth-covered boards, to slide to the horizontal position more easily. It seems that some Tibetans believe that a prescribed number of prostrations in a lifetime is a religious necessity (I heard it was one million).

I had to deal with a lot of my own aversion to all of this distracting activity. Had I been less stubborn, I might have given up, but as it is I'm very happy I finished my course as it helped me improve my tolerance. Also, despite my critical tone, I do respect people's right to their religious traditions, and the value they can have. One can see this with the Tibetans, who seem to have a very strong group identity based on religion, which has allowed them to weather exile and refugee status for decades with dignity and self-respect. Still, a lot of this activity is not really what Buddha taught, which was essentially the truth of suffering and the way to come out of it through intense silent meditation on the reality within. If Buddhism requires accepting a dogma that tells me to perform a million prostrations or even accept any other theory that I haven't experienced directly, count me out. Buddha wasn't interested in establishing an organized religion but rather out of compassion shared the ultimate truth and the the noble eightfold path he had discovered, to help other beings liberate themselves. That doesn't require any religious conversion or blind faith in any dogma.

A practical note: tomorrow I go to Burma and blog silence. When I return to the US in February I should have time to post some photos of the Tibetan rock concert which I don't have on disk at the moment. Until then, be happy and stay warm.